Sunday, April 5, 2009

Yesterday, the Easter Bunny was at Stracks. Kaity was scared of the bunny.

Bill still isn't feeling good today. He stayed in bed for most of the day. He had problems with smells which made it difficult for him to eat. He did drink Carnation Instant Breakfast and was able to eat dinner tonight. He wasn't able to attend mass this morning. He wanted to try but I told him he needed to stay home. My mom brought over Holy Communion to him and prayed with him. I was going to write about how Bill and I met. But decided to tell what we think about on days like to day.

Days like today makes me more grateful for the good days we have. I am thankful there are more good days then bad. However, there may be a time where it will be the complete opposite. Days like today reminds us that he is very sick. It's easy to forget on a good day. Not that we can actually forget but on good days we can "pretend" he is fine. I don't think there is a moment of time that I forget he is very sick. I wish we could just forget, even if it was just for a day. It would be great to have a day without tears. Everyone tells us Bill will be fine. However, the chances of him surviving are a lot less them of him dying. I know it's not a subject anyone wants to talk about it. However, I would rather be prepared then not and he needs to be as well. Not that I know how do you really be prepared because I don't think anyone can be 100% prepared for something like this. Especially with our children being so small and Bill has a lot of life he still wants to live. It feels like we are living with a black cloud over our heads. Not knowing if the chemo is working or the cancer is spreading. I do believe in miracles. I know they happen all the time. I also believe in God's will. His will may not be the same as what we want. Maybe he has better things in store for Bill. Sometimes I feel like I am being selfish for praying for Bill to live. We all know eternal life is much more better then the life we have on earth. He will no longer have to suffer.

Sorry this blog is dreary. Bill not feeling well and the weather being gloomy brings out the worst in me. Hopefully Bill will feel better tomorrow and be able to write an entertaining blog for everyone's reading pleasure.

1 comment:

  1. my humble do NOT need to apologize for being gloomy or sad or angry or depressed or lonely or any other thing. none of us can even fathom what any one of you are going through and having up and down days ALONE is enough to make a person feel like they are on an emotional rollercoaster!!! add to it the fact that the father of your children and the man you love is having to deal with chemo treatments and is not sure what the future holds gives you and your household plenty of reason to be feeling all that you are feeling! better to SAY it and express it then to hold it in!!! yes, a positive attitude is more helpful but being true to your feelings is healthier. sooooooo when you need to vent..DO IT! in the meantime the rest of us will keep you all in our prayers and hope for better days ahead. somehow i keep thinking that sunshine and warmer temps will be helpful all around! God's blessings to all of you! deb