Monday, April 20, 2009

Today I am still not feeling like myself. I feel really drained. I don't have much of an appetite. I get queasy thinking about certain foods. Sally made me a chocolate zucchini cake I am looking forward to it. She made two loafs of beer bread but dropped one loaf when she tried to put it in the oven. When she makes a mess she makes it good. Then she started to make dinner when she noticed some ants in the kitchen cabinet. Now we have to bleach everything down and wash all the dishes. So we will be going out for dinner as soon as the bread if finished baking.

This morning I had a nice time with Kaity. Sally had another one of her headaches and laid down. Kaity sat on my lap. It's probably was the best part of my day. She just sat there and gave me hugs and kisses. Then we started making funny faces at each other. I just love her laugh. She has been really attached to Sally but now she seems closer to me. Which would have not have happened if I didn't get sick and had to take time off. So I guess there is good in everything.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with the gastric doctor. I was told he might advice me to have another colonosposy since they couldn't get the scope up very far because of the tumor. I should also be getting appointments made this week with the thyroid specialist and the liver specialist. Not sure how long it will take to see them.

It saddens me when I see Sally and she looks like she is trying to hold in her tears. Obviously I'm not the same person she married almost 11 years ago. She isn't use to me being so melancholy most of the time. I was always the type of person that wanted to make people laugh and feel comfortable around. I think a good sense of humor is very important in life. I know Sally has a good sense of humor cause, she married me and if that's not funny than nothing is. We both come from two unique families that makes things very interesting sometimes. I wouldn't change a thing about either side I love them all. It's hard to explain sometimes how exactly how I am feeling. I try to act different for Sally( now the cats out of the bag)because I know it bothers her when she sees me this way. The doctor told me that some days I will just have to force myself to go and do things. It's just hard just after I get the pump taken out, those are the worst days. Although I am still having a hard time eating because so much makes me ill , just thinking about it. Today Sally made chocolate Zucchini cake that I had a taste for really bad. If she would have been able to make that yesterday I probably would have eaten my fingers trying to devour it. Now I want it but, I will probably pick at it more. My eating habits change quickly so I have to act fast or I may starve. I'm not drinking a lot which is critical. It's hard when I want something cold to drink cause I am thirsty and I can't because it makes my throat feel weird and I can't taste anything. So everything pretty much almost a week after I get the pump taken out has to be a minimal room temperature. So if I want A glass of milk I have to let it sit out for a while to be able to enjoy it. I am A big milk drinker.

I am going to go now I hope to have a better report tomorrow. I am waiting for the 80 degree weather we are suppose to get on Thursday and Friday. I hope that helps me to be more like me. I have had only had 4 chemo sessions so I hope it will get better as I go along. Some people I have talked to say that it does. It does effect people differently so lets just hope. God Bless you all and good night.

p.s. I have an idea for my next survey. Should Sally clean off her computer desk?


  1. Dude,
    I'm back from Alabama and trying to catch up on your BLOG. It's really cool that in Alabama people actually watch the Cubs and Sox on WGN.

    We got hit by a tornado (Priceville) while I was down there, even thought I stayed out of the video stores.

    I heard the BIG AXE is falling again at 7AM tomorrow (Avery). I hope we make the cuts!

    Well, I'll talk to ya later.

    Take care.

  2. Bill, seriously, don't be so hard on yourself! Stop worring about other people and focus on YOU. I know you want to take care of your family, but for once let them (and us!) take care of you. Sally has family-both hers and yours-there to help her in anyway they can. Even if she just needs someone to listen to her, or a shoulder to cry on ALL of her sisters are there for her. We just don't know what to do or say. I'm so glad Kaity is getting close to you and can make you feel so happy. Just remember who she came from and that she's in her "terrible twos", so enjoy it while you can!