Chemo Day

I still laugh when I look at this picture. This was from our honey moon at Wisconsin Dells. I added bubbles to the jacuzzi and didn't realize it would bubble up like it did. I was laughing my butt off. I had a hard time holding the camera steady. Bill didn't find the humor in it. He wasn't to happy with me. It was our first tiff as man and wife. It was the beginning of his many walks.

Today, Bill is really tired. We were woken up at 3Am from Kaity. She screamed for at least 30 minutes while I held her. No matter what I did she wouldn't calm down. She made sure the entire family was awake. She seemed to be afraid of something and didn't want to have anything to do with Bill. Out of desperation I tried bribing her with taking her outside and she said "noooooooooo", then I tried candy and she said "nooooooooooo", she didn't even want her biby "pacifier". Not sure what her problem was but we were happy when she calmed down and I was able to rock her.

This afternoon Bill saw the doctor and had a chemo treatment. 3 down and 9 to go. After the 6 treatment he will go in for scans to see if the chemo is working. His blood work looks good and the doctor told him it's Ok for him to be gaining weight. Some of the medication they give him during treatment has steroids in it which can contribute to the weight gain. The side effects from chemo should also get better as he goes.

He has been very courageous through this. He has never complained and takes each day one day at a time. He is always thinking about everyone else and trying to make it easier for everyone else through this difficult time. I am very proud of him. I am not sure if I could be as graceful if it were me.

Bill has a bodacious appetite today. He ate a large lunch at 11:30 Since 2PM he had 6 snacks, a large hot chocolate, 2 huge plates of dinner and now is waiting for chocolate pudding with whip cream. I made a double batch but I have a feeling at least half of it will end up in Bill's belly. This morning I put short ribs in the crock pot. Dinner tonight was very tender boneless short ribs smothered in a tangy/spicy rich sauce. Served with tender wide buttered noodles sprinkled with chopped parsley, sea salt and freshly grated Parmesan cheese. Also, with very flavorful fried cabbage which was very sweet and tender.

Hopefully, tomorrow Bill will be able to write his blog. Usually, on Saturdays after his chemo is the hardest day for him. I am going to try to make a slide show with the pictures from the benefit. If anyone has pictures they would like to share please email them to me at smileysal1@aol.com. Thanks

No Title

Today I woke up early and Sally made me a delicious breakfast. She got some Of Idaho's best Potatoes and cut them up in tiny bite sized morsels. She cooked them to the perfect crispness. They were joined with two of the perfectly cooked fried eggs. The whites were nice and white and the yokes were running all over the place. Just perfect for dipping your toast into. Just smelling the mellifluous aroma just made my tongue dance with joy. All this was accompanied with a tall glass of the coldest orange juice.
After I had this scrumptious meal I went and did my pre-chemo blood work. When Zachary came home I helped him with his homework and after that we went out and flew a kite. I have never flew a kite before in my life. I am happy to say that it flew the highest. I also had to make a paper air plane for Zachary for a school project. That didn't fly as well. Zachary was so proud of the plane I made, he wanted to color it.When he got done it was so colorful. I think he liked that better than the kite.
I know that I didn't finish my bucket list yet but, I really need to think about it.I don't want it to sound stupid. So when I come up with the next six I will start to post more I am keeping this blog short ,because I have something that needs my attention. Coming soon if I could be any insect, flower, person, fish etc. what would I be?
Thanks to everyone for the prayers and the kind words of encouragement. God bless you all!!
I also wanted to say that my last blog about my alone time is not about self pity. I don't feel pity for myself. What I feel is what I think my kids may feel if I'm not in there life. I am putting myself in there shoes. I am trying to feel there pain. I did this to myself and have nobody else to blame but myself. My kids and my wife are the innocent victims.

When I'm alone.

Today I felt tired and wanted too sleep. Kaitlyn woke up throughout(twice) the night. Sally and I took turns rocking her back to sleep. I think she may be having gas pains. Her farty farts are deadly. She brought me down to my knees at least three times today. I think the weather has a little to do with the way I feel too. I 'll probably go to bed early today. After I do the Wii Fit and the news. That may not sound early but, I usually go to bed at about midnight most nights.

I want to tell everybody about my alone time. What I do when I'm alone. I don't do anything but,think. To most people they probably enjoy this time a lot ex specially if they have kids. To me and I'm sure with other cancer patients It's actually the worst time of day. This is the time when you start thinking about if your going to see your kids grow up. Think about how you left things for your wife. I am a optimist. I do believe I will be ok, but there are no guarantees in life. I can't even drive my car by myself without thinking about my family. When a song comes on the radio that is sentimental or brings back memories it's really hard. Ex specially when cheesy songs come on, like the Carpenters, Abba and a lot of those groups from the seventies. I love those cheesy songs dammit and I'm not afraid to admit it. A few weeks ago Sally's and mine wedding song came on the radio(Savage Garden- Truly, Madly, Deeply). I was like oh know, not now. the tears started to flow. Moments like this is when you reflect on the mistakes or the things you have missed because you were to busy with the job and the dumb things you have done. I'll be in the car balling my eyes out and next to me will be someone looking at me wondering what the Hell is this guys problem. I try to have the tears wiped away before I get home but sometime my emotions are to strong to just be able to stop. So I will run in the bedroom as to not let Sally and the kids see me. Sometimes its just so hard you can't help it. Yesterday I took Zach to his soccer practice and I sat in the car. That was a huge mistake. Here I am watching this little boy of mine running around playing his heart out knowing that I am watching him. Thinking to myself what would happen to him if he loses his daddy. How much of a difference in his life will that make. I know sometimes Sally and I will be talking about my illness in the kitchen and he will be playing in the living room and he will ask us to stop talking about it. Sometimes he will go in his bedroom .You think isn't listening but he is. We need to be careful. I know he knows that I am sick just not sure if he knows how sick I am. He knows that I'm not supposed to do a lot around the house ex specially after chemo sessions , so sometimes he will yell at me to sit down and rest.So I do think he has an idea. Zachary is only 7 years old what memory will he have of me. My biological father died when I was about 11 years old. I have only a few memories of him. One of the memories that I still have is seeing him in that casket. I will never forget that. I don't want that to be a lasting memory for my kids at that young age. I always try to be there for all my kids when they need me. I always wonder what will become of them. If something does happen to me will that impact there choices they make in there life for the worse.I'm not saying I am this great father but , to this day I still think about my Dad and wonder what impact his death may have played in my life.
Kaitlyn will only be 2 on the 9th of April. So obviously she has no idea. If I do go she will not have a memory of her Dad. She is my little girl and I want to walk her down the aisle on her wedding day. ( when she is about 35ish) I will miss a lot of her first. She is starting to talk alot. she will repeat whatever we say. What will she be like ,what will she become.
Michael wants to do something in criminology. He has a lot of options to take in this field. What identity will he chose.( look at previous blog) Who will he marry and what will his house look like.What kind of a man will he turn out to be.
Sally is like me ,she thinks to much about things too. Sometimes we will cry together. I know it is hard on her. What will happen to her if things don`t go the way we plan. I love my wife dearly and I let her and my kids down. I could have prevented this if I didn't ignore the signs because I didn't want to miss work. Don't let this happen to you , If you have any signs that something doesn't seem right GO TO THE DOCTOR DAMMIT !!!!!!!!
Today I went to Avery to drop something off. That was hard for me. Seeing the place I was working at few months ago and the people I worked with. Everyone is supportive of me and I appreciate that. Now I'm not being very productive like the way I used to being. I feel like a failure cause I can't work and my wife has to take care of me, that is a very bitter pill to take.
It's really hard sometimes to stay strong . I need to try and think about other things when I'm alone. I hate being alone now. I used to like it, having peace and quiet. I'll tell you it really sucks. If something does happen to me I hope to God that Sally won't be alone. I'm sorry about the rambling but, this is something else I do believe most cancer patience go through but don't normally talk about cause they want to be strong for there families. This is my blog and I want to be brutally honest. Thanks for taking the time to read this and God Bless you all,

another fine day

Everyone wanted a picture of Michael. Here he is. He has identity issues.


Today I felt pretty good. Had a slight headache throughout the day. I spent most of the day with my brother and sister in law. We had got breakfast and walked around the mall. Showing them all the different things that are available to do at the mall . It's been a long time since they been here to see the changes. It was a very pleasant day. The weather I thought was warmer than the 45 degrees the weatherman said it would be. I also took Zachary to his soccer practice. The weather was a lot colder now. I enjoy watching those little kids running around while I'm in this nice warm car.( as I laugh to myself)
The benefit was again totally a fun time for me. I went there very nervous and scared. Ex -specially , when they announced that Bill is in the building.I was wondering if I should comb what little hair I have back and sing some Elvis melodies. Lucky for the people there I didn't. There would have been some serious crowd control issues. I had a speech made out but, because everything happened so fast I didn't have a chance to look it over. So I had to wing it. I felt that it started out rough but, as I got going I became more at ease. When I finished I realized that I brought the house down. I thought I was going to be carried out of there on someones shoulders(this is where my dream sequence ends). From what I was told I did do a good job.
Again this is a shorter blog. I have so much to talk about and say. It's just that when I do a lot during the day I don't have as much time with writing the blog because , I really need to make time for my wife and kids. I have plans for tomorrows blog that will be more on the long side and it will be informative and what I believe cancer patience go through. Thank to everyone for the prayers and support. I love each and everyone of you. Take care and God Bless

A Night to Remember

I wanted to say first of all that I been suffering from a headache most of the day, So I didn't do a lot today but, lounge around and go to my moms for a while to visit with her and to spend sometime with my brother and sister in law who came in from Tennessee for the benefit.

Now for the benefit. It was a night I will not ever forget. I want to give a huge thank you to all the people that came out to support me and my family. I really didn't think this many people would come out. The weather wasn't any good at all. I saw some people from my old old neighborhood in Highland. that was a huge thrill for me. They all looked just as they did when we were little with all them with still a full head of hair except for me. (what happened there) That really meant A lot for me to see them all. I almost wanted to ask them if they wanted to play a game of Kick the Can, Search or C-A-R. The memories that were brought back. The great people that I have just meant during the time of my diagnosis. That are still with me through all this. This felt real good to see them. All my family and friends, some of which made long trips in . God Bless you all ! My other family at Avery, You all are the best. Mr. Bill Goldsmith I hope you enjoy the Sox tickets . Be careful of the Sox fans they like to beat up the opposing teams players. If you make it that far watch outside of the ball park it's rough out there too. All of the Firemen that came out. some of which worked with my dad who is a retired Hammond fireman. A lot of them I remember from when he was still working. Flo I want to thank you for giving me the CUBS tickets you won at the raffle. You are a true gentleman and great person. ( will you be my new friend) The bands that were there playing( The Resonators, Beaver and Jake Blues) did a terrific job. My CUBS hat goes of to all of you. All of the people that gave there hand in helping out with the serving,cleaning, raffle, baking,donating , just being a smiling face or any other thing you did thank you for your appreciated time you took. I will write more about this awesome experience tomorrow. I just have this nagging headache that I want to go away. Sorry the blog is boring,I'm still blown away by the turn out.

PS Vicky thank you for the Taffy Apples.( very juicy and succulent) It's good to see someone on my shift cares and has a conscience.

Benefit

Keeping the blog short today. Tonight was the benefit which is causing me to post really late . I will tell more tomorrow and the next couple days to follow. I just wanted to say tonight it turned out really great. The hall was packed, the music and food was great, and everything seemed to run smoothly. I was really touched to see the crowd and everyone working hard on this. Honestly, I didn't think the turn out was going to be that good. I am a very blessed man!

Today's post will be short and sweet. We took Kaity this morning to the outlet mall to buy her shoes. It's a far drive but we it's worth the savings. My brother Dave and his wife Sara are here from Tennessee to be at the benefit. They stopped over and visited for a little bit. It was nice seeing them. Michael came home from school early today. He is still not feeling well and is running a fever. He took a nap and felt a little better. He packed and left for the weekend. Our diocese every year has a weekend for the teens called TAPT (Teens Are People Too). The teens are only able to attend once per life time. Michael went his freshmen year and had a touching experience. He was chosen to be a peer minister for this year. He had to attend at least 3 workshops to prepare for the weekend. He was very excited but nervous as well. He was also chosen to give a talk . He feels bad because he wanted to be at the benefit. So now he is sick but knows he is being counted on. I hope he feels better. I am proud of him.

I am nervous about tomorrow. I do not like to be the center of the attention. So don't laugh at me if I do something goofy. I am not graceful under pressure.

We had a late lunch and I am still not 100% because of the flu, so there was no dinner tonight. Maybe a snack later is all. I was told I needed to post a picture of Sally. There isn't to many pictures of her since she was once a member of the mob and I took her away from all that. Here is an older picture of us having fun. She wanted me to tell everyone she was pregnant with Kaity (wink wink).No she wasn't drinking.

A new day.

Today is a better day for the most part for the family. I am still a little dizzy and queasy at times but, I'm not vomiting any more I did eat some soup for lunch. It was Select Harst by Campbells Maryland Style Crab. It wasn't bad ,I just don't know what happened to the crab! Zachary is better and also had some vegetable soup. We still didn't send him to school cause we wanted to make sure his fever was gone. Sally is better but,still not quite there yet.The same with Michael. We are all eating cautiously. There will not be a dinner menu today(no protest letters please) cause we are going to eat on our owns terms.

I just want to let everyone know, that is planning on going to the benefit, that there is a rash of counterfeiters reproducing Cubs tickets.I will have to look at the tickets first since I know what to look for. If they are good I will return the tickets to the raffle promptly. If not I will be forced to turn the tickets in to the proper authorities. Sorry for the inconvenience. I know this may cause the raffle ticket sales to go down drastically,but I am just trying to be a good ,no great citizen just doing my part in trying to stop this atrocity. No fear the Sox tickets will still be in the raffle. The authorities aren't worried about the Sox. I was told Even if there were counterfeit tickets for Sox games it would be overlooked, cause they need all the help they can get in filling there seats.

Yes, Dan is a good friend of mine, but yes he has faults. The main one yes he is a Sox fan. If you know Dan the way I do you will understand. First of all he works on the same machine I do, the Metalizer. This machine melts aluminum on polyester material. so for this machine to work properly all the air in it has to be pumped out so the aluminum as it melts goes on the material. This machine has to be kept very clean. Can't have any dirt or any other contaminants in or it can ruin the process. So once every week we have a p.m. ( preventative maintenance) on the machine. There is a area of the machine were the diffusion pumps are. It is in a very enclosed area. This is Dan's favorite area to clean. You have to be a small guy to go in this area.( Dan always has fight with the attendants at amusement parks too, This can be embarrassing to is wife) Dan will take the cleaner we use and go to town with it. Not a lot of air circulation in this area. So the fumes are effecting his judgement.( mainly his choices ) Throughout the week he is always with a cleaning bottle in his hands. I believe he may have a problem. Now Dan is cross training in Metalure Finishing. This is where after our rolls in the Metalizer are done they go here to be stripped of the Aluminum. Dan is working on one of the stripping machines and is dealing with alot of acetone solvent. There isn't alot of air circulation in this area, which means again more fumes and bad choices. No matter were he works in this area batchmaking or centrifuge cleaning he cannot escape the harmful fumes. He likes fast cars too. so you know there is a lot of exhaust fumes around them. The good thing is none of his cars are fast. He likes to drink those energy drinks too. We all know what harm they could cause to the brain cells.

This is something I wanted to share with everyone,cause I thought it was quite. The day I made the Capelini Pomodoro on tuesday ( no my cooking was not the cause of every ones illnesses) Zachary came in from playing so than I made him a plate of this toothsome meal. I was doing the dishes and Zachary was just looking at me. I kept washing the dishes. So an hour goes by (there were alot of dishes) he still didn't touch my delectable dish. I finally asked him why he isn't eating. He said because Daddy you have to help me say my prayers first.

I hope all you the best. Hope to see you all at the benefit on Saturday from 5-9pm at the Hammond FOP. God bless you all. One other thing I wanted to say is, if it weren't for my Wife Sally being with me during these trying times , I probably would curl up in a ball and feel sorry for myself. She is definitely my ROCK and the best wife this man could ask for. I love you Sweetheart.

Sorry, there will be no post today. The rest of the family including Bill came down with the flu in the middle of the night. He was scheduled for chemo treatment tomorrow but had to reschedule for next Thursday.

Chef/Doctor Bill

Today I felt really good but, Sally now was feeling very sick. She is so competitive. She spent most of the day sleeping and I kept Kaity occupied. Sally hasn't eaten anything but, toast this morning. Kaity is eating better and, Her Stinky's is gone thank, goodness! I can still tell she isn't quite better yet though. Today I also attempted to go to the Dentist for a cleaning. When I got there , they wanted me to update my some of my personal history. When they called me in to get looked at,the hygienist mentioned you now have cancer and I said yes. She said that she may not be able to clean my teeth unless I get an OK with the oncologist. She said cause of all the bacteria in the mouth it could cause serious problems with me. She called and talk to the nurse at the clinic and she said no way. How often do you have to update your records. Maybe once every couple years and today was my time. I just think of what might have been if I didn`t. Would I have become seriously Sick. Who Knows I'm just glad I didn`t have to find out. That is why I believe that I will be OK , because obviously The Big Man Upstairs is looking out for me. Can I hear an amen.

Today I was the Chef ,and I made one of my favorite Olive Garden dishes,Capellini Pomodoro. First I started to boil water for the Whole Grain noodles that I will be using. When the water started to dance I added the noodles and a little salt to the water and cooked them for precisely 8 mins, An excellent source of fiber by the way. I took 8 of the Freshest Ambrosial Roma tomatoes that I could find at my local grocer and diced them in small pieces. I then took 11 of the greenest Basil leaves and chopped them up, followed by 3 gargantuan garlic cloves minced up with a Garlic Press. I added 6 tablespoons of the oiliest Olive Oil and mixed everything up in large manly sized bowl until the room was emancipating with a pleasing aroma. When the noodles were done cooking, I drain them and put them back in the boiling pot and added all of the savory concoction to the noodles ,and mixed it up well. I have to admit I was surprised it turned out delizioso.

I will have to go and spend some time with my sick wife. I haven't been with her all day. Now she is out of bed and watching the news. So I'm going to join her. Sorry the blog wasn't as entertaining. It was somewhat of an hectic day. It took me over 4 hours today to finish cause of all the interruptions I had today. Zachary woke up and threw up on his sheets so now he will not be going to school tomorrow. Kaity got very whinny this evening, so I was trying to comfort her.She misses her mother. God Bless all of you and I really hope to make an appearance at the benefit. I really don't know if I will be able to.