A huge blow

Bill had a routine CT scan done on Monday. This time we were not nervous about the results. As long as he is on chemo, we knew everything was going to be OK. At the very worse, the tumors were not shrinking as quickly as we would like. It was a change from the last time. The last time, I received a phone call 3 days prior to his chemo treatment saying the doctor needed to talk to us about the CT results. Of course, they wouldn’t say about what. So for three days we worried. I tried not telling Bill about the call but I couldn't stop crying and I was worrying him. Not knowing and worrying about the results is dreadful. Especially, when you know the results are bad and you are in the doctor’s office waiting for a long time for the doctor to walk through the door. The anticipation is unbearable and the worst case of scenario goes running through your mind. Hearing the “bad” news has been easier to handle then the waiting for the results.

This morning I woke up thinking positive thoughts. Bill was scheduled for chemo and had an appointment to see the oncologist. Bill was at work and I was just about to get ready and the phone ring. It was the nurse asking where Bill had his surgeries at. Of course she said she didn’t know anything but I knew it wasn’t a good sign. I tried to act like nothing was wrong when I saw Bill. He went to have the infusion first. The nurse started the IV and the doctor walked into the room and said he needed to talk to us and told the nurse to stop treatment. My stomach fell and I could tell Bill was very concerned. Chewing on his nails is always a given sign when he is upset or worried.

We were moved to an office and didn’t have to wait long for Doctor Mboama. As soon as he walked through the door and by the look of his face we knew it was bad. We just didn’t realize at that point how bad it was. He said that the 2 tumors in the liver had grown. Then the nurse came in the room and told the doctor he had a phone call. He stepped out and left us hanging. Which I could tell he was relented to do but I knew the phone call must have been important. When he came back he told us the tumors have doubled in size and that there are 1 or 2 more additional tumors in the liver. The cancerous lymph node has grown as well and there are 2 more cancerous lymph nodes now.

Usually, the doctor will give us a couple of options to choose from. This time he did not. He said he knows that we have young children and he is going to act aggressive and as quickly as possible. First step is to have the tumor that was removed from the colon tested to see if the cells are genetically mutated or non-mutated. If it’s non-mutated there is a new chemotherapy drug that will be used. If it’s mutated the chances of him beating this is not as high. It takes about 2 weeks to get the results.

The second step will be going back to UIC and have the SIRT procedure to the liver. http://www.umgcc.org/sir-spheres/about_sirt.htm He will have this as soon as possible, since he has to be off chemo for a month. With the 2 weeks wait for the other test result, doctor thought this would be the best time to have it done.

The third step is to wait for the test results so a new chemotherapy regiment can begin. Obviously the chemo pills, Xeloda, did not work. So Bill will have to go back to 5-fu which means he will be wearing the portable pump again. Which of course Bill is not happy about. He didn’t complain about it and the doctor said it’s his only chance for survival. He was also told he will have more side effects. Basically, he was told he is going to be feeling like crap.

Right now, we are trying to absorb everything. It’s terrifying news but the doctor still remains optimistic and so are we. We will be praying for non-mutated cells and just try to live life the same way we did yesterday. Bill is amazing. I know he is scared and worried but he is trying so hard not show it. He and Kaity are at Omni while I am writing this. Which means he hasn’t given up and still determined more than ever to beat this.