Thursday, November 26, 2009
A Thanksgiving reflection.
First of all I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving. This is a time I like to reflect on the past year. This has definitely been a year of trials and tribulations. I was diagnosed with stage 4 Colon Cancer on January 28th. At first it was very hard to take. I have a very fun loving and unique family. We all like to make each other laugh. Now I was thinking the worst, that all of that was going to end. I was always thinking how my kids would grow up and what they would turn out to be. Thinking how this will affect Sally, with all the things that need to be done to the house and all the bills. I actually thought that maybe Sally should divorce me. so she wouldn't have that burden.( This is something I never told her, until she reads this blog) I feel that Sally deserves a good life without all the problems of having a husband with Cancer, a house that needs repairs and the bills that come with it. I never did say anything to her obviously. I guess that is the selfish part of me. She has always been there for me and everyone else that needed a helping hand or some words of thoughtful encouragement or giving an opinion whether it was asked for or not without any biased. It wasn't always what you wanted to hear but, it was said with love. It really breaks my heart knowing the heartache I am putting her through. She has always been a great Mother and wife, even though she has doubts. I really don't know why she thinks that. She does everything she can for us. Although Zachary the other day got in trouble because he was having a listening problem and Sally made him write sentences. He told Sally that he thinks that she is going to the" Dark Side".( A reference to Star Wars) Now thinking that my kids will be cheated out of a father that can't do much any more and is always too tired. Before my diagnoses I was always trying to work as much as I can to help get the bills paid and be able to get the things we needed. So I wasn't home as much as I should have been. Then I got sick and I was bless with 6 months of play time with my kids. I had two major surgeries one in Feb. and the other in June. So during those times I couldn't do much, but when my recoup time was over I took advantage of that time. So to get back to the beginning I was thinking that I was feeling sorry for myself and that is the worst thing you can do. I am not buried yet. I was getting allot of support from everyone. I was always somewhat of a quiet person with not a lot of friends. Unless you knew me personally you never saw me for who I was. I was told on many occasions that I looked mad. I just don't walk around with a smile on my face allot. I do like to have fun and make people laugh. Sense of Humor is one of my top personalities a person can have. I am just a quiet person by nature unless you awaken the sleeping giant. It took me a while before Sally saw my humor. Thanks to her and Michael I get a lot of material. I know too I can depend on Zachary and Kaitlyn. Being in the family I have you have to have a good sense of humor. Take my mom for instance, never mind I don't have that much time right now. Now to get back to perspective, I do believe now that my Cancer is a blessing. I learned to appreciate things more and not to let as much bother me anymore. I still have a ways to go but, I will have to try harder making changes in my life, like my eating habits and need to exercise more. So to say what I am most thankful for this year is all of you and my family who I cherish and love with all my heart. I never would have made it this far without all of you. I thank you and appreciate all that all of you have done to get me through this illness. If not for that I wouldn't be in the positive frame of mind that I am in now.
I hope you all had a blessed Thanksgiving with your loved ones. I will try and do another blog this weekend, so check back probably Sunday. So again thanks to all of you to help me through this with prayers, thoughts and just an ear to hear me babble. God Bless you all.
I quick note to let everyone know to pray for my friend Patty from Minnesota. She had surgery on Tuesday. Not Cancer related, but prayers for a speedy recovery. Patty I hope all went well with your surgery, God Bless.