Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Crappy, Crappy, Crappy, Crappy

Did I mention crappy yet? That is how I have been feeling which is an under statement. I guess the longer I receive chemo the more my body stores it, which is why I am feeling like crap. I am still trying to get use to the 12 hour shifts as well. But I am surviving which is the important thing. Struggling but making it. I was off last night and go back to work Wednesday night. I have the weekend off and hopefully by then I will feel much better.

The entire family except for Kaity has been having colds since last week. I think I might be coming down with what they have as well. Lucky me. It's been over a week and Sally is still coughing away. Yesterday morning, she had a cough attack and pulled a muscle in her back while she was coughing. My little girl has been such a good girl. She has been climbing in and out of her crib so Sally doesn't have to lift her. When Sally is lying on the couch Kaity is on the couch with her. We really lucked out with her.

As I said earlier, I think some of my problem is going back to work on the 12 hour days 48 hour weeks. I really try to push myself to be productive. I know that I am not the same worker I was when I was first out of work back on Jan. 28th til now. I know obviously doing the chemo would tire me out, it's just that I didn't expect this much of a impact, when I was what I thought doing so well the last few weeks previously. I try to keep a lot of how I feel to myself. I know that that isn't very smart. Than I thought , I never claimed to be very smart. If I was smarter I wouldn't be in quite the situation I was in.(I had signs that I ignored) Getting back to me being back at work. I don't want to feel that I am a hindrance in my department. So I try hard to do things even when I feel like I am way to tired to move. Avery and my Co-workers all have been nothing but wonderful to me during my way back to work. They all have had a lot of patience with me, and I really appreciate that. Sometimes I feel the Black Dog of Melancholy, because I can't help but feel bad at the way things are now. I know it will take time but, as my family already knows I don't have much patience. I want results now!

I want to tell you all a few stories about when I was at the Missionary of Charities helping out one Saturday. I was asked to take some recyclables to the back. I went to the back and there was this gate that was locked and latched. I got it unlocked, now I was working on the latch for what seemed like a half hour or so. Then I got this brilliant idea. What would my seven year old son Zach do in this situation. Again I was trying to get this gate unlocked, after thinking what would Zach do. Then I realized the problem. Zach would plop his butt on the ground and start to play with his lego Star Wars. He takes them everywhere he goes. Then I came up with a brilliant plan part two, what would my 2 year old daughter Kaitlyn do. I knew right away that wouldn't work because all she would do is stand there and look cute. She would use her mental telepathy to have people do or get things for her. Like she did at my company picnic,when she stood at the ice cream table waiting for someone to give her ice cream without saying a word, and she got what she wanted. So I knew trying to do what she would do wouldn't help for obvious reasons, So I decided to rip the fence down instead. I really had to lift up on the gate to levitate the weight of the gate on the latch. It just took me long enough to figure it out.
While I was there I helped with serving of the food to the people. There was one lady who wouldn't come up to get any food. One of her friends had to come and get it for her. I was told that she had a major fear. A fear that I am afraid to mention. I really don't know if I can say it without screaming and pulling my lower lip over my head. I guess I will tell you, just don' say I didn't warn you. She has a fear of MICKY MOUSE! One of the volunteers was wearing a Micky Mouse shirt. I am not making light of her fear of Micky Mouse ,but it's Micky Mouse. I can see if it was Donald Duck,cause Donald Duck was a mean duck, always yelling at his nephews and just plan being a crabby patty. Micky Mouse is always happy and cheerful. I know it's a legitimate fear but its Micky Mouse. I really hope she gets help for her fear.

Thanks for visiting and God Bless. I will do the next blog probably Sunday.

1 comment:

    can i say it again please?
    I AGREE!
    your choice of adjective seems to fit many people these days... thank goodness and God for the sunshine today because i think if it hadn't come out i may have lost it completely! bill...you have been through SO MUCH and you have done (in my opinion) REMARKABLY well and going back to work and working those hours and given the fact that the weather is changing quickly, people are sick, there was a full moon on sunday..i think you have the right to be feeling alittle shall we say LOUSY?
    get your rest, eat when you feel like it and let yourself give in to not feeling the best all the time ok?
    it won't last forever...
    you have a very strong mind!
    (sounds better than stubborn doesn't it? :)
    ok i'm done..thanks for hearing me out!
    blessings for always..