How it all began

Sunday morning, January 18th, when I woke up, I didn't expect to spend my day at the E.R. I have been bleeding rectally for a few months. I didn't tell anyone. I thought it was hemorrhoids and I was embarrassed. Anything that has to do with the butt I find embarrassing. The night before my 6 year old had jumped on my stomach and I vomited up some blood. My stomach was cramping but I didn't think much about it. The next morning there was more blood then usual. Sally found out and asked if I wanted to go to the E.R. Sally will ask me a question but it's not really a choice. All the lab work came out normal. I was told to follow up with my family doctor the next day. The family doctor sent to see a gastric doctor for the following day. The gastric doctor examined me with a flex scope and said he thought I might have hemorrhoids. I was scheduled for a colonostomy the following week.

I was told having a colonostomy is a piece a cake. I will be so sedated, I won't feel a thing. I wasn't looking forward to it at all. I was however, looking forward to that all you can eat pasta bar afterwards. I was scheduled for it on a Wednesday. Tuesday, I had to be on a clear liquid diet. So by Wednesday afternoon I was starving. Who ever told me I wouldn't feel a thing lied. It was painful. I was in the room less then 10 minutes though. They wheeled me back the recovery room and Sally was allowed to be with me. We waited for a few minutes for the doctor to come back to tell us how everything to turned out. I was expecting to say I had hemorrhoids. I told Sally if I did have hemorrhoids, she was not allowed to tell any one. The doctor comes back and said he found a large tumor which had to removed as soon as possible. At this point hemorrhoids don't sound to bad. Sally asked the big question, if it was cancer. The doctor said he was 99.8% sure it was. He did go on to say if I would have waited a little longer the bowel would have ruptured and I probably would have not survived.

So, instead of going to the pasta bar I had to go home and pack a bag for the hospital. Sally's mom was watching the kids. The hardest part of that day was to go to her mom's and kiss the kids good bye. It took everything I had to stay strong and to walk in to her house. The two younger ones don't really understand what was going on. When I hugged them, I didn't want to let them go. I had no idea when I would seem them again.

I kept telling myself I am going to beat this. I am way to young to die. I was turning 44 in 2 weeks. I figured when I die, it would be from a heart attack. The reason is because I have high cholesterol and my dad died at the age of 40 from a massive heart attack. I have been taking cholesterol lowering medicine for 10 years. Sally get's after me when I don't eat right but I love the food that isn't so good for me.

That night I kept thinking of all the things that I want to do and haven't. I want to take a family vacation (we have never been on one), a family picture (we never had one of those either, but that is Sally's fault), I want to travel Europe with Sally some day, watch my kids as they grow, and be able to walk Kaity down the isle when she gets married.