An Omission of Guilt

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about my wife's face book stunt she had done to me on my birthday.  The one that involved the hideous picture of me being posted every where.  She still has of yet changed it on the blog either.  I might of sounded as if I was undeserving of the prank which I still think it was uncalled for.  It has been on my mind why would my wife do such a thing to me?  Almost 2 weeks later, it finally dawned on me why.  I will swear right now before I go any further it was an accident, or was it?

It all began on Super Bowl Sunday.  Our friends had invited us over to their home to watch the game.  Sally had made a couple of snacks to take with.  One of the snacks were meatballs in a sauce. There was snow drifts all over so I was trying to be considerate and I dropped Sally and the kids off in the drive way.  They grabbed the food out of the trunk and I went to park the car on the street.  As I was walking towards the drive way, I looked at my family from a distance.  There was my family with there hands  filled with food.  I felt a little guilty walking up empty handed.  Sally had the container of meat balls and I spotted a trail of sauce leading from the drive way going towards the porch just in case we may forget our way back to the car.  I knew she must have had sauce all over her too.  Which is funny because I am the one that usually ends up with food all but over himself and then everyone laughs at me.  I didn't yet make it to the drive way when Sally yelled from the distance "Are you sure this is the right house?".  I of course said "Yep!" I looked at the house again and thought oooooh wait a minute, but decided not to say a word in case I was wrong (wink wink). I decided it was best for me to stay put so I stopped and watched the plot unfold from a far. I saw Sally knock on the door.  The door opens and I see Zach walk inside and  started to wipe his feet on a  the floor mat.  I then look at the guy who opened the door and I didn't recognize him. I heard him  say everybody is downstairs. I then heard my wife  apologize to him and she and the kids walked away with all the food and another trail of sauce. The whole time staring at me. "What I do?"  is all I  could say (if looks could kill I would have been a corps right then and there).  I was more concerned about getting everyone back in the car as quickly as possible.  With the trail of sauce and the mud Zachary left behind I knew the evidence of us being there was compelling so I quickly sped away from the scene.

 I drove 5 houses further down the street to Ron and Lynn's house. During the short trip I could not help but laugh at her.  She did mumble something like "I am going to get you for this". I am glad it was only a five house drive because it didn't give her anytime to say any more to me. When we got to the "right"  house I knew because their 3 kids were hanging out the door waiting for us. Next time I told her we will have to make up a checklist of their outside contents to make sure she won't do this again. Most importantly their house address.  I wouldn't want to see her embarrass herself again..  Periodically, throughout the game, I would peer out the window  to make sure we weren't being followed by angry neighbors with blazing torches.

After the incident, my wife did not mention it again to me.  So I thought maybe she had forgotten it.  But that was foolish of me, because Sally never forgets things like that.She stills brings up things that happened 12 years ago.  She may pretend to forget but she doesn't.  If she tells you she will get you back she will but she will wait until you least suspect it.  I know I shouldn't do this but Sandy (Sally's sister) you better beware.  Sally will get you back.  I am not sure and I don't know when but I can promise you she is planning something in that evil mind of hers.  There is something about Sally and her sisters.  When they get together they usually don't act their age.  Sandy thought it would be funny to stick on a maxi pad on Sally's car as she was driving away.  Sally knew nothing about it and it fell off the car between  their mom's house and the grocery store.  It amused Sandy and their mom very much.  I still haven't yet to find the humor in it but maybe it was because they littered the street with a maxi pad. Sally swore on that day there will be war.  So I thought it is best to warn my sister in law.

I'm scheduled for a CT scan on March 7th so prayers will be very much appreciated. Thank you for reading and hope you enjoyed it, God Bless!!

This isn't goodbye.

Why are we so gloomy?  Today we celebrated my mom's 73rd Birthday.  Happy Birthday Mom!  That wasn't the reason for the blues.  The reason for the sadness, is that today will be the last time I will see my big sister, Dawn for a very long time.  Well I hope it's for a very long time.  If I see her sooner than a long time , it would mean something bad has happened or  is happening.  So in that aspect, Dawn I hope I don't see you for a very long time.  Dawn and her husband Dave have bought a house in Alabama. Since they are able to receive senior citizen's discounts they feel they are now to old to endure the long Chicago winters.  


It's been along time since we actually cohabited together during our childhood.  It's been a very long time since she had snatched all my chocolate candy in my Christmas Stocking, shared her  bag of Doritos by giving me about 3 after I walked 2 miles in blistering heat in the summer and 5 ft of snow in the winter, bare footed and holes in my coat, when I was able to wear my coat because she would wear it around the house to keep herself warm,( and our furnace worked fine) to buy them for her, I had to endure her singing in the car(that was the worse of the worse), and it's been a very long time since I pulled her hair.  Even though it's been a long time and she lives one state over and 40 plus miles away from me now, I am really going to miss her when she moves 15 hours away from me.


 Thanks Dawn and Dave for being there for me when I was at my worse.  I am not going to say good bye it seems so final.  So I am going to say have a safe move.  
Love,
Bill

It's All About Me.

There was another item of importance I wanted to add to the post about my birthday. However, I decided this needed to be a posting on it's own. With all the birthday wishes, cards, food, money, and gifts, Did I say food, specifically cake, fudge and the candy Zach got me, along with the beef sticks Michael got me. I would have to say I was most impressed and humbled by an article written by a friend, Ann Marie Walker. She had written about my wife and myself as a tribute to my birthday. Let me tell you a little about Ann Marie. I do mean a little cause this is my blog and it is still my birthday month, so the spotlight stays on me lol. Sally asked me to put the lol part in so people will think I am kidding around lol. Well I'm not, like I said its my birthday month and I am still celebrating it lol(?). Sorry Ann, I am trying to be honest here.  Ann is a mother of 4,well  5 if you include her husband. She takes care of her elderly mother, a free lance writer for an on line publication called Examiner. She is the author of the Chicago Psychic Examiner as well as the NWI Frugal Family Examiner. She also decided to venture into college with my wife and drives my wife crazy because she pushes her way through school at a much faster rate then what Sally is doing. She makes Sally look like a slacker.  Sorry honey but it's true.

http://www.examiner.com/psychic-in-chicago/happy-birthday-bill-the-most-spiritual-man-and-family-i-know#comments is the article in which I feel resembles us very little but I am flattered for her thinking of us that way. We are just ordinary people facing an obstacle in life. I don't think we are different than most people because everyone has an obstacle or obstacles they are facing in their every day life. Whether if it's an addiction, a job you don't like, a problem child, a troubled marriage, loneliness, an illness,  financial trouble or like to watch people and make fun of them. That really isn't an issue except I really do like to to do that. That is more of an issue for the other person than for me. Unless you are not human everyone is going through something. I have a head that is bigger than most, but I deal with it.

Like I mentioned before, the main purpose of the blog was to update family and friends on my condition, then it turned into writings for my children to have in case something were to happen to and some how for the most part the blog has turn into amusing tales about my family's misadventures and attempts through life. I never had the intent to be the poster child for stage four colon cancer. Which is good because I am the furthest thing from it. As for many of you who follow my blog, I use a lot of humor. It's not an attempt to trivialize the seriousness of my condition or my feelings minus my bouts of rage. Instead, I approach the blog the way I approach life. Basically, what your read is what I really am like. I approach life in humor. I try to find the good and humor in everything. I learned and realize even in darkness there is always good or good that results from our darkest moments. I could never imagine going through life without laughter and having a wife who doesn't find humor the same way as I do. The day we got married I knew than she has a sense of humor.  I think that is one of the main reasons Sally and I get along well is because of our ability to laugh our way through life and at each other as well as the kids. 


I live life to the fullest based on my ability.  Of course if I had money, I would be doing many things that I am not able to do now.  However,  I would still live life the same.  Spending it with my family and enjoying the time I have with them.  There is saying "live life as if it's your last". I do not agree with that.  If you live today as if it were your last then what do you have to look forward to for tomorrow.  Eventually,  you would be exhausted trying to live every day as if it's your last. Rest is very important to my healing process, so that wouldn't be good. My advice is to do something you love each day.  It doesn't have to be something earth shattering.  For I find that often the simplest things in life are the most satisfying and most meaningful to me.  Whether it's sitting on the couch watching a tv show with Sally or cuddling up with the kids reading them a book, those are the times that mean the most to me and hopefully it's the things my family will remember.  I try as much as possible to create memories.  The memories aren't for me but  for my family.  They are something for them to hold on to in case I am no longer around.


One more quick note to Ann. I am proud to consider you a friend and have to say that this article was in my humble opinion your best effort to date. So good luck trying to top it.  What is better subject matter than me?


Here are the links to Ann's writings.  I encourage you to take the time to check them out.


http://www.examiner.com/frugal-family-in-chicago/ann-marie-walker

http://www.examiner.com/psychic-in-chicago/ann-marie-walker

http://livingafrugalfamilylife.blogspot.com/

It's my birthday and I'll brag if I want to.

As many of you know yesterday I celebrated my 46 birthday. When I was about to turn 40, I dreaded it. 40 seemed so old. Days before turning 44 I was diagnosed with colon cancer. I wondered then if I would see 45. Now I am looking forward to 47,48... and I can't wait to turn the big 5-0. It's funny how a little word like "cancer" changes ones' perspective on everything. Sally recently asked me what my wildest dream was. My reply to her "I want to grow old". I want to be that old man who walks around with suspenders,chewing on his gums, smells like soup, repeats himself, the one who drives 20 mph in a 45 mph speed zone, I'm doing about 30 now. I want to be the old man who sits in the park and feeds the birds with his grand kids. I want to be the old man who is holding his old wife's hand as they walk around the beach. "Remember when dad/Bill ....." I want to be able to correct them and tell the "true" version of the story.

I must admit I was amused by my own pictures from the previous blog. Not sure about you but they made me laugh. Sally teased me because she found me on a couple of occasions laughing at my own pictures. If you didn't know by now you should realized by my confession I am an honest man. Who else would admit this? My wife who many of you think is a victim to my comic material and grand schemes began showing off her devilish trait many of you have failed to notice the existence in her. I woke up the other day to kind Sally and the kids looking at something at the computer and laughing hysterically. I walked over and found that Sally had altered a picture of us. She had altered the picture that caused me to laugh many times. She ommited herself out of the picture and left me alone with my silliness. Not only did she have it on face book but the picture was changed on the blog as well. If that wasn't bad enough. I woke up on my Birthday day to hear some more giggling. My wife had done the worse betrayal to me ever. She changed my profile picture on face book to the one of me looking as if I may had some brain trauma. Not only did she change the picture she change my pass word so I couldn't change it. I know, isn't that bad of her? If that wasn't to be enough she changed her profile picture to me as well. The she schemed with her sisters and a few friends to change their profile to me as well. Then they were encouraging others to do the same with this posting "This is Bill. Today is Bill's birthday. He is happier than ever to be celebrating another birthday. For Bill and all other cancer patients Birthdays are great celebrations for them. Lets celebrate Bill's birthday and birthdays of all cancer patients today by changing your profile picture to Bill's (tag his picture with your name) for the day.". At one point it was confusing on face book seeing my picture on every one's post. I must admit in spite of Sally's evilness it was clever. So please don't ever feels sorry for her when I writer about her clownish dressings in the mornings or poke fun of her. She deserves every bit of it! In fact she is already scheming for next year and makes it well known to me that because of my lack of computer skills she knows I can't get her back.

I had to work last night on my birthday night. I could have taken the day off but I am trying to save my days since I had to use a lot of vacation days when the plant was shut down for 2 weeks during the holidays. I did go into work 4 hours later though. My sister, Carolyn, visited me in the morning. She brought over donut holes and a gift from my mom. My mom gave me bath towels. Sally and Carolyn laughed at them but it was what I told her I wanted. I decided I should be practical and I told my mom what we needed. Our bath towels are almost 13 years old and they are in bad shape. After my sister left I went back to bed because Sally and I were going to go out for dinner before I had to go in for work.

Sally and I went to Giovani's for my birthday dinner. It's my favorite spaghetti place in case you didn't know. I think we went there last year for my birthday as well. It was busy so service was slow which wasn't a bad thing. It gave us a chance to talk. We started talking about when I was first diagnosed and about what's important life. It was a deep conversation but not depressing in the very least. As we talked I was thinking I can't wait to have this conversation when the kids are all grown. When we talk about the past when I had cancer, the kids were little, and Sally was in school full time and not sure how but we made it. I am looking forward to that day. After dinner we went to a couple of stores and picked up the two little one's from my mother in law's house. (Not sure what we would do with out my mother in law, Mary. She is the reason Sally and I can go out sometimes and the reason I don't have to go to the doctor appointments and infusion treatments alone.) Came home and had chocolate cake and banana split ice cream. Sally gave me a single serve coffee pot, Zachary gave me a heart shape box of chocolate, Michael gave me a bag of beef jerky and a gun shaped lighter, Kaity made me a card and Zachary made me a card as well.

I have to say this was one of my best birthdays and I will remember it well. I had over 40 people who sent me birthday wishes on face book and it meant a lot to me. I never realized there are so many people who would take the time to think of me enough to tell me "Happy Birthday". As for my wife's little stunt well... I was a little embarrassed of it but I have to admit I thought it was funny. I know I am blessed but yesterday just reminded me of how blessed I really am.

Happy Birthday Bill!

Happy Birthday!

May this be the year in which many of your hopes and dreams come true.

You are very much loved and admired.

Sally