Another Bump

I am doing well. So far the major side effect I am experiencing is being tired all the time. I am sleeping more which helps. If I could I would sleep all day. I am trying to live my life like I did before "D" day or should I say "C" day. I want life to go on as normal as possible. We elected not to tell Zachary about what is going on. If he catches on and ask we will be honest. When I was initially diagnosed we told Zachary but it's been a lot for him to handle. Even though it's been over a year that we told him the cancer went away; he still worries. So much there are times he breaks down and cries. He had an anxiety attack not so long ago.

It's been almost 2 weeks since I found it's back. I said it was a set back and medically speaking it is. However, it's not a set back for me in how I live my life. It woke me up again and once again I had to reevaluate my life and the important things. Since the last time I posted I joined Omni. I am making better food choices and Sally went and bought a bunch of healthy food. A friend I use to work with at Sterks mentioned to me about vitamin D and sent me a link to read. I found out in a study colon cancer patients who took vitamin D supplements during treatment up their chances of survival 48%. Even though I am not suppose to take any vitamins I started to take vitamin D. It's worth a shot.

I had the PETscan last Tuesday and finally received the results today. Sally talked with the doctor this morning over the phone. He said the scan showed 1 and not 3 cancerous spots on the liver. It also showed some positive lymph nodes around the liver. Not great news but he didn't make it sound like a major set back either. He feels the chemo therapy will take care of the lymph nodes and his main concern is still the liver. I go see the surgeon at UIC in November. He might want to remove the tumor in the liver and the effected lymph nodes. I am praying chemo will take care of everything and no surgery is needed. I found out today that the human body has between 500-600 lymph nodes. Over 20 of mine have already been removed. If I continue to get cancerous lymph nodes and I have to have surgery every time, I am going to look like Frankenstein. Not that there is anything wrong with Frankenstein. I find that he is a handsome fellow.

Honestly, I don't feel defeated since hearing this. Of course I am not happy more cancer was found. However, I feel thankful and blessed it hasn't spread to any other organ or bones at this time and praying it won't. I was looking at a cancer support group site that had other blogs from cancer patients posted. I saw the title "Every Problem Has A Gift For You In It's Hands". Without a question I know this is true. I was a blessed pre-cancerous man and now I am an abundantly blessed man who has cancer. On one hand it's sad to have to experience a life changing event to learn some of life's greatest lessons. On the other hand, most likely, I would have missed out on some of life's greatest lessons if it wasn't for cancer.

God Bless

Forge ahead

Today has been a very long day. Actually the week has been a long week. Not one of the best weeks I have had. The call on Monday from the doctor's office helped set the mood. Then there was a couple off rough days at work. During the quiet times my mind wondered about the impending CT scan results. I tried to convince myself the reason I was called was to come in for an appointment was just to let me know everything was fine. Deep down I knew something was up though. Sally thought maybe the tumor in the spine.I was having some back pains.

Then today came. It was a torture. Waiting and waiting for the results. Not that I want to hear bad news but the news that is given is always easier to deal with then what is playing in your mind. In the waiting room I had a hard time breathing. I am sure it was a near encounter with a panic attack. Then I was called into the doctor's office and that's when the real fear took place. After the nurse took my vitals and information we sat there and waited and waited and waited some more. We had to wait over an hour. In the mean time Sally and I try to keep our minds occupied. We watched the people walking in the parking lot making comments(making fun,old habits are hard break). about them. Finally the oncologist walked in and as soon as I seen his face I knew it wasn't good news. This is the part where I was hoping to write everything is fine and we were worried for nothing. Unfortunately, I am not able to say that. I knew the chances of cancer coming back was great. I knew that the doctor wanted to see me wasn't a good sign. Yes the cancer is back. It's back in the liver. The same spot where it was before but there are two more smaller tumors next to it.

What does this mean? Obviously it's a set back but that's all it is a set back. I have all the faith and hope everything will be fine. My prognosis hasn't changed. It's the same as the first day I walked in to the oncologist office. All the options I had then I still have now. The obvious I am going back on chemotherapy. I began treatment today. I am receiving bi-weekly infusion treatments of Avastin (which isn't a chemo drug), followed by infusion treatments of Oxaliplantin every 3 weeks, and I am taking an oral chemo drug called Exeloda. I go in every week for blood work. Also, I am going to be seeing the cancer surgeon at UIC. The tumors are all on the same lobe in the liver which means he might be able to remove them. He also mentioned last time about zapping them out with a laser type thingy. Tuesday I am going in for a PET scan to see if the cancer has travel else where. Which means more fun in waiting for test results.

The waiting for the results is actually worse then getting bad news. Once the news is out in the open it is easier to deal with. The not knowing is what takes years off your life. I am not looking forward to dealing with the side effects from chemo. But dealing with the side effects is a lot better then not having the option of having treatment. As long as there is treatment available there is hope. I have this thing about people having to blame someone or something for their misfortunes. I do not blame God, or evil, or fate. I blame Sally my wife. It's her fault. She jinxed me when she went back to school.So there I said it,I feel better now.

As I am writing this, I am reluctant to post this. It's not that I am ashamed , embarrassed, or want to be secretive. It's the fear of being pitied. I don't want people to feel sorry for me or treat me with kid gloves. Even though I know people have good intentions and mean well I just want to live my life like I did before the "C" word was mentioned. I am a guy who happens to have cancer, cancer does not have me.I may have lost this battle ,but I will win the war. I am confident of that.

Thank you all for your prayers,but we still have work. Lets get it done.

Feel like I am being discriminated

Update

A brief update. Kaitlyn's appointment at Riley's went well. The doctors still feel her pains are more or less "growing" pains. Sally and I are not so convinced but respect their expert opinion. Right now they are going to watch and wait. Which I agree, is better then putting her through more blood work and test. She did test positive for a marker that is linked to lupus and arthritis. However, she doesn't have enough symptoms to make the doctors believe something else is going on. She goes back in March for a follow up visit.

We had a nice day when we went to Riley's. We took the kids to the zoo. Kaitlyn really enjoyed looking at all the animals. Zachary had a good time as well but was disappointed because he didn't see many turtles. Also, he wondered why zoos don't have turtle shows. More about that in another blog.

Today was the day for my colonoscopy. It was the best one so far. It was the best one so far because we canceled it. More insurance woes. I really miss having HMO. I didn't have to go through all the hassles that we are dealing with now. Routine colonoscopys are covered 100% by my insurance. Mine isn't considered routine since I had a tumor. Even if they found a polp it wouldn't be considered routine any longer. Now it's considered a procedure. Procedures have a $250 co-payment. I feel like I am being punished by my insurance company for having cancer. First it was the pump not being covered and now this. I will have the colonoscopy done but I am going wait until January. In November, my work has open enrollment for insurance and we can switch insurance plans. Hopefully, there will be one that will be more accommodating for me. Right now it feels my insurance company would rather have me die from cancer instead of helping me with my care. Now I am wondering if I am going to be charged $250 for having the wax taken out of my ears. I was told to go to the ENT Doctor before I got retested at work( I failed miserably the first time).

I had my cat scan over a week ago. It left me a little nervous because the tech needed to take some more pictures after viewing the X-rays. I found out later that is very normal which eased my mind. I go Thursday for the bi-weekly Avastin treatment and received a phone call that my doctor wants to discuss the results of the cat scan with me that day to.I am nervous about this one. I will keep everyone posted on the results. In the meantime, I will be a cooking up another post and praying a lot.