Sexy's Back

I am doing well.  I am experiencing some of the side effects from chemotherapy.  I am having a lot of muscle cramping, sensitivity in my feet and hands, and loosing my hair. Now I have an excuse for my bald spot.  Actually, the bald spot isn't as noticeable now since I have a lot less hair.  Earlier this month, I started to loose my hair in clumps. I was at work and felt something on my face.  Went to brush it away and saw a huge clump of hair.  Took a shower that night and hair covered the tub.  It was surprising since it's been over 2 years of being on chemo and I figured I would have lost my hair by them.  I will admit I was upset.  The next day, Sally suggest either I have my head shaved or get my hair cut really short.  I went that evening and had my hair cut really really short.  I felt a lot better when I looked in the mirror and saw a sexy man looking back at me.

I am still working out but I have put on a couple of pounds.  With Easter, birthdays, Zach's First Communion, etc.. it's been challenging to be "good". I had an appointment with my family doctor.  I have high cholesterol and went in for a recheck which required another lipid profile. It was  high.  Normally, I would be scared and be good for a few weeks and Sally would be on my case yelling at me.  I know I am at risk of having a heart attack.  Actually, that isn't scary considering I have cancer.  If I had a massive heart attack and died instantly (like my dad at age 40) would be a lot better then having a long painful death because of cancer.  Sally doesn't it see it the same way.  She made a comment that I am fighting so hard to beat cancer yet I am eating myself to death.  Which proves that she like to see me suffer from living without my favorite high fatty foods, and that she would rather have me be tortured by a long agonizing death.  I need to rethink the notion that Sally loves me and so should you.

It's time again for me to have the Cat scan.  I am scared to death (ironic isn't it) knowing that after this scan or a scan down the road, I might be hearing "Sorry Bill, we did all that we could do."  I believe in miracles and I know modern medicine will not be enough to save me.  So there are two things I am going to do before I schedule my scan.  The first thing I am going to have Father Rookey pray over me.  http://frrookeyicm.org/

He has prayed for me  a couple of times in the past.  I always feel at peace after talking with him.

I recently was told about a shrine in Green Bay, Wisconsin, which is the only shrine in the United State which has documented miracles.http://www.shrineofourladyofgoodhelp.com/ Since it is a long drive, I am hoping we can be able to scrounge up a few dollars and be able to make it a mini vacation with the kids. A one night stay at a hotel with a pool would be fun since the little one never has spend the night at a hotel.  We planned on taking the drive last weekend but it rained all weekend. Hopefully, sometime in the next 2 weeks we can take the drive.

That's it for now.  I just finished day one of eight days of work in a row.  At least next week the shift are not the usual 12 hour shift.

Thank you for your continuing support and prayers. I really appreciate it.
God Bless,
Bill

All about Zach

I have been working on this post in my mind for months.  I wanted to write this in March but with everything else going on I didn't get the chance.  My little pumpkin turned 9 on March 7th.  In the past 9 years he never ceases to amaze me.  He has many of my qualities (not sure if that's a good thing) my charm, my ruggedly good looks, my love for food, my fascination with nature, my fast running skills (only difference is I was a fast runner/Zachary thinks he is a fast runner even though, sorry Zach but when you run I think your going backwards), the love of reading and the ability to make weird noises and I'm not talking about from his orifices. That is a whole different ball of wax there.  He has some of Sally in him as well.  His pickiness when it comes to meat, the washing of the hands obsessions, and his excessive talking,  That most definitely comes from my wife.  I probably shouldn't have said that though, But Man yada yada yada

Zachary has two loves in life, 3 if you count eating.  His two loves are turtles and Star Wars.  Either one of those topics he can spend hours non-stop on a one sided conversation going on and on about them..  Oh and the questions he ask?  Some questions are intelligent for example "Dad what was the first living turtle in the United States" and then he can ask the most annoying questions like "Dad who is your favorite clone trooper?".  Then there are the questions he ask which makes me want to hide under a rock a stay there until all the smoke clears.  Such as while he was preparing to make the Sacrament of Confession and there was a meeting with the kids and Father Keith.  Father Keith asked them if they had any questions and Zachary was one of the  first to hold up his hand.  I was waiting for my son to ask an intelligent question that would have Father Keith taken back. So I am sitting there with Sally and thinking, everyone my child is going to speak, silence please. We were waiting in anticipation as if EF Hutton himself was going to speak. Here it comes people, quiet please and then we heard a little voice ask "Did anything ever fall on your head?"  Father Keith looked at Zach what seemed like an hour but was actually 30 seconds. He answered with a quick "No not that I could remember". "Next question"  Why he asked it?  I am still not sure.  The fact that he asked it puzzles me  more.

 He is always thinking.  One day while we were in the car Sally asked him "If you were left all alone on a Island and the only living thing you could eat were bugs, would you eat them or starve to death?"  First Zachary said he would eat the grass and Sally said there is no grass to eat only sand .  Zachary thought for a second and said "I will eat my boogers then".  Most of the time he is quick witted and doesn't even realize it.

The sound effects that kid can produce are amazing.  I am determined to push Sally to figure out how to post a clip of Zach making the dolphin sound.  He sounds just like a dolphin.  At least to me he does.

The serious side of Zachary
 Yes he can be serious. I never met a child or an adult for that matter who will stop what they are doing when an ambulance goes by to pray.  He has often had everyone in the car pray with him when  we see an ambulance.  I am usually to busy looking to see what is going on to even think about praying and there is Zach in the back seat with his hands folded praying.  I went to pick him up from school and I parked towards the back and he didn't see the car.  I was able to see him though.  I sat in the car, laughing  and watching him while listening to the jams on the radio.  He looked around and after he didn't see me he made the sign of cross and folded his hands and I could see he was praying.  I felt bad to made him worry like that so I made my presence shown. I asked him what he was praying for and he said he was worried something had happened because I was late.  Several times I have seen him on his knees praying when I walked past his room.

My mother in law asked him one day if he thought about being a priest.  Zach replied he didn't want to be a priest because he wanted to get married and have kids some day.  He said he wanted kids because he didn't want to be left alone when he got older.  The thing about me having cancer, it makes my kids live in a world of uncertainty.  It's not like we tell them everything but it's hard to hide the fact that I have cancer especially when I am gone a lot for treatment and wear a chemo pump around.  Sally and I both try not to burden them with details and only tell as much information that is needed or asked. However, it's hard for a child not to think about death knowing there parent is ill.  He fears that everyone is going to die. Sometimes when Michael is out Zachary will tell Sally he has bad feeling Michael is going to get in an accident and die.  Often when Sally is gone he cries because he is afraid something bad has happened to her.  He cries the most of the time fearing his mom is going to die. I am like wait a minute I am the one that is dying here not her.  It breaks my heart to see him sad and to worry.  It's a lot for a little one to have to endure and that hurts me that I am not able to protect him against that.  A parent is suppose to make their kids feel safe and as a parent I can't.  That is one of the things that suck about cancer.

Zachary when you get older and are reading this I want you to know that I love you very much.  I am proud to have you as my son.  You remind me so much of me.  Sometimes when you are sleeping I just want to go up to you and squeeze you. I love that you are such a happy kid. I love to hear you sing as you go about your business.  I love that you are so loveable even at that age of 9, you still want to give your old dad hugs and kisses and cuddle up on the couch with me. I love that you are always thinking and challenging me with your question.  Whatever you do, do not change yourself to make someone else happy.  Do not let what a person says to you or do to you to defy yourself. Do not be follower but be a leader. You are strong enough to be a leader.  Always ask questions and challenge yourself. Never stop dreaming and go after your dreams. Always trust in God.  Most importantly remember your dad always loved you and always will love you no matter what.