As you all know we had a wedding to go to today. It was done very well and couldn't have been done better. Jacqueline and Joseph make a very nice couple. The ceremony was very nice with live violin and cello music playing in the background. To be honest I'm not sure if it was a violin and cello,because of all the other things going on that I was paying attention to, plus I was video taping the couple getting married. It could have been drums and maracas for all I know. Not to sound like I didn't care , I was just watching the ceremony very closely just not the music part.( I am sorry for that) Watching the two flower girls (My Kaitlyn and my God Child and Niece Holly) come down the path really made me start to think. ( more on that later) I really think they will make a wonderful couple and can't say that enough. Joseph and Jacqueline that is not Kaitlyn and Holly.Not saying they won't be a nice couple just not with each other. Actually when they play together they are a cute couple just not that kind. Never mind I think I am digging a hole here.
The cupcakes that were served for desert were not from this planet. They were the most delicious cupCAKES that I have had. The frosting was pure heaven. Jacqueline told me were she got them from and I forgot. All I remember is I asked her and then I was dreaming about my next dose of those CupCAKES but, When I came to she was gone Yes, they were that good but not only that, they were huge. They were definitely manly in size. Oh yea the other food was very good too.
Now what I wanted to say is the whole time during the Wedding Ceremony I was thinking about not being there when My little girl finds somebody to marry. It is a hard pill to swallow knowing that I could have prevented most of my illness if I didn't ignore it and now I am paying for it. It's hard thinking about all your kids and not being there when they do these milestones.It's just different with your little girl because Daddy's always dream of walking there little girls down the aisle. I really don't know if I will get that chance. I know the next surgery I have can improve my chances of survival. That's just it, it improves it but doesn't guarantee anything. I will always have that cloud over my head for the rest of my life. What will this do to my wife that I love with all my heart and soul. She will be left holding the pieces of the home we were building together. The surgery that I need is very risky and that is something else for me to think about. I know I am wondering off a little but ,that is what this blog is all about. It is truly about what my feelings and my true thoughts are. Not about the silly stories that I tell. I do like telling the stories so all of you get to know me and my family a little better. And to understand why I am the way I am.
It's late and I still have to say my daily prayers. Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers, and just being who you are and reading my blog. God Bless
I also wanted to say that the cord we use to download picture to the computer is missing. That is why there hasn't been any pictures lately. As soon as we fix the problem , pictures will return. Thank you for your patience.
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have you asked michael about the chord? seems to me he might gain the most from having misplaced it for awhile :)
ReplyDeletethe REALITY of your medical condition can be sobering, to say the very least. how i wish there was a simple solution that any of us could give you. sadly, there isn't but there IS prayer and continued support which i am certain you KNOW you have from so many in your life!
you are a very special person and you have a beautiful and loving family! you can't change the past, but you CAN pray for the future and make decisions based upon those prayers and know that all of us are in your corner and praying for your future too!
thank you for allowing us to be a part of your journey! tell us HOW we can help you!
have a blessed day surrounded by those who luv you unconditionally!
LUV THE PICTURE!
ReplyDeleteyou have a beautiful little girl!
i REALLY like the bare feet the best! :)
ReplyDeleteoh my- for all the issues with the dress- Kaitlyn sure did look adorable! I love the barefeet!
ReplyDeleteRead your blog this morning and have been deep in thought on responding. I remember the woman in the hospital with me almost a year ago. Very young, maybe 50- who shared with me that she had only been given 7 months to live, 10 months prior to that- but she was beaming because she never thought she would make it to her youngest high school graduation and grinning ear to ear she whispered, "and guess what? I DID!" I told her I had a 2 week old grandson and she said her next goal was to make it to the birth of her first grandchild! She said it with such a smile and excitement in her voice, her eyes sparkling with such joy. I didn't stay in touch with her- but I am convinced that everyday was or is a huge milestone for her, one of thanks and joy of the gift she had been given of the moment. I took from her such peace- certainly my journey has not been a pleasant one in the past year and like all cancer survivors I too live with the uncertainity of what the future brings. But the peace she gave me have allowed me to focus and live in the moment. To kiss the warm cheeks of my grandchild, to breathe in his new-baby smell and really FEEL it- to gulp in the beauty of the blue sky and the yumminess of the lush green of coming summer months. To really smile at my youngest graduating next weekend, to really feel the pride in my oldest graduation from college 2 weekends ago- OH MY there is just so much Bill to embrace and to give God thanks for!! I am not always able to stay in the moment, my mind does race to thoughts of what-ifs. And when I read your blog, your entertaining stories of your youth, the funny things Kaitlyn does- you do focus on the moment, I can ALMOST hear you give thanks. And then I hear the uncertainity in your post today and the saddness of what you might be robbed of in the future. And I think, cancer or no cancer, there is no reassurance on tomorrow. None of us, not one of us, has that. We think we do? Yeah, but we don't. I wish I could give you more- I wish I could give it to myself sometimes :)
Yes,we did ask Michael about the cord and he said he didn't have it. Guess what it reapeared back on the modem.umm.
ReplyDeleteTo repond to the last comment, I really don't try to think about the future to much. I don't want my kids to feel that there is something wrong. I try to do and say everything in the positive light. It's hard in some certain situations that I will think about things. This is why I don't like to be by myself. As far as not knowing what the future holds. Yes, I may get hit by a car. But I don't know that. Being diagnosed with cancer stage four that is more of a death sentence with uncertainties that i will have hanging over my head forever.For the most part I do have a very positive out look about my illness. Deep down I do think I will be fine cause I am a fighter.
That's an excellent photo...
ReplyDeleteMore wedding pictures will be posted shortly. Sally
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ReplyDeleteWow! That is such a cute picture! Funny, though. I have the EXACT same picture on my camera that I posted on facebook. Hmmmm...
ReplyDelete