Monday, May 28, 2012

Don't Be Sorry

"I am sorry you have to go through this." I hear this all the time.  Don't be. I am not. I am glad I was able to have Bill in my life.  Good and bad I am grateful for it all. So please don't feel sorry for me.  I am sorry Bill had to go through what he did.  I am sorry that Bill had to suffer.  I am sorry that Bill's life was to short and he didn't get to do everything he wanted to do.  I am sorry that my kid's do not have their father any longer. I am sorry for my lost.  

If I didn't have to go through this it would mean I would not have been a part of Bill's life. My heart is aching but it's only aching because I had the love of my life.  I found someone who truly loved me.  He loved all of my not just a part of me. He loved some of my flaws and even loved me when I was unlovable.   He saw things in me that no one else ever did.  He excepted me for as I am, not for who he wanted me to be. 

I am thankful I was able to be with Bill from the beginning to the end. I am thankful he had me and never had to go through it alone.  I am thankful, I am the last person he ever touched and the last person he ever saw.  

Not only my heart is broken, but I am incredibly lonely.  It's OK though.  I am lonely because I lost my best friend.  I lost the one person who I was able to talk to about everything. The person who knew my secrets and dreams.  The one person who was there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on.   The one person who would sit next to me holding my hand while watching TV every night.  The one person who was my partner in crime.

Yes, I am grieving.  It's OK though.  I had a great life with Bill.  Not a perfect life but it was a good life. A life I would do all over again for.  I am grieving for the life I once had and will never have again.  I am grieving for all the dreams we had together that will never be for filled.  

Memories.  I am surrounded by memories.  Many of them put tears in my eyes.  All the memories are reminders of all the times we once had and knowing those times will never be repeated with him.  I am glad he left me with lots of memories.  For we lived a full life and did lot of memorable things together.  

Instead of feeling sorry for me, be sorry for those who never got the chance to experience a life like I have had.  For they are the ones with the greater loss
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3 comments:

  1. JuanitaMay 29, 2012 at 8:47 PM

    Thank you for these wonderful posts, at what must be an extremely difficult time for you and your family. Bill's send off sounds like it was perfect in every way. I will think of you all often, most especially of Bill on our shared birthday. Love to you all across the miles, Juanita xx

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  2. AnonymousMay 29, 2012 at 11:57 PM

    Sally,
    Beautifully put ... I am also one of those lucky ones. However, I'm selfishly hoping I'll get to keep my husband for many more years. Either way, you take what you can get and be grateful for each and every day you have together. Thanks for your example to us all.
    Carla

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  3. AnonymousJune 20, 2012 at 11:30 AM

    Hi Sally, Michael, Zachary, Kaity
    I have hestitated- several different places to write, even have a card to send. I come to Bill's blog often, I love the snapshots of his life, your posts, Zachary's, the pictures of the journey, the smiles and laughs. My own journey with colon cancer was put into perspective from Bill's. He touched so many, you all did. And it was all such a wonderful gift of insight, reflection, hope, faith....
    In time, I hope you will write more.
    With love from Minnesota,'
    Patty

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